Fic: Somewhere In Neverland - Part Three

[chimneythunder]

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.”
- J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan.


Frank had set Gerard up in one of the spare bunks that Gerard suspected may have started life as a shelf. It creaked ominously whenever he moved and his feet stuck out comically over the edge but it was surprisingly comfortable with a surface of pillows and a bearskin throw as blanket. Tinkerbell momentarily emerged from her sulk to throw a handful of pixie dust over the fire, extinguishing it down to a deep red glow.

“Nice,” Gerard said appreciatively. He hadn’t been too thrilled about sleeping in the pitch-black dark ever since he’d left Bert. Too many nightmares lurking in the shadows.

Tinkerbell blew a raspberry at him in response.

“Good night everyone!” Ray called from somewhere under his nest of pillows. “Goodnight Frank!”

“Goodnight Lost Boys!” Frank’s voice sounded from behind the curtain of leaves. “Goodnight Gerard!”

“Night,” Gerard said after a second. He turned onto his side so he was still facing the room, comforted by the glowing embers. A wave of tiredness rushed over him, warm and comforting after the weirdness of his day. He closed his eyes.

That night, Gerard had a nightmare.

It started off normal enough. He was at a family dinner when his Dad started saying how everything that had happened had been Gerard’s fault. He’d tried to explain himself, tried to beg, tried to make them understand but they wouldn’t listen. Instead, his Mom told him he’d ruined their dinner and he had to apologise to Mikey for upsetting him. He tried to find his brother but instead found himself climbing up a ladder to a room that said “THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO GO.” He was suddenly lying on his back, staring up at florescent strips of light rushing past as a woman’s voice called out “Gerard? Gerard, can you hear me? I need you stay with me, stay with the sound of my voice...”

He sat up, still trapped in the dream. He was in a dark, twisting maze of mirrors and glass, unable to escape.

“But you can’t escape,” the maze told him, closing off the walls behind him, sealing him further and further into the depths. “You knew that...”

“What if I offer a trade?!” Gerard had screamed. “What if I gave you eight souls instead of mine?”

And then Gerard was outside, watching Frank, the Lost Boys, Mikey and Pete all walking blindly back in. Unlike Gerard’s maze of darkness and glass panes, their maze was endless corridors of bookshelves. The result was the same though; the walls shifted, splitting them all up – Lyn-Z screamed, futilely pressing her hands against the walls, trying to stop the wall moving but then she was gone. They were all gone but Gerard could hear their screams. Frank was all that was left, his back against the bookcase, sweat pouring down his face.

“Gerard, help!” he cried – and then two abnormally large, rotting hands shot out from behind the books, grabbing Frank and then –

“Wake up!!”

Blearily, Gerard opened his eyes.

“Come on Gee, wake up!!”

Frank was floating above him.

For a second, Gerard could on stare at him in confusion.

“What are you -?”

“Ahh, good! You’re up!” Frank said and yanked the bearskin blanket off him. Gerard had been sweating heavily under it, so the cool air seemed all the more arctic.

“Go ‘way,” Gerard mumbled, curling up in a ball and facing the wall. He could not deal with this, he could not deal with this un-caffeinated...

“Come on Gee!!” Frank whined, grabbing Gerard’s leg and pulling. “I’ve had an idea how we could fix your imagination!”

Gerard sat up and glared at Frank in what he hoped was an intimidating way.

“There’s nothing wrong with my imagination,” he said coldly.

Frank snorted and rolled his eyes.

“... how would you even fix someone’s imagination anyway?!” Gerard asked after an awkward pause.

“We need to get you to play more,” Frank explained. He held out a steaming cup to Gerard that he’d been holding the whole time. “You’re just a bit out of practice, that’s all!”

Gerard peered hopefully into the cup but whatever was in there was a weird orange colour and smelt spicy with a hint of fruit. Definitely not coffee.

“Is there any coffee?” he asked.

Frank’s face fell. “Only grown-ups drink coffee.”

“Right, right, of course. I just... I’ve had a cup before. I quite liked it,” Gerard lied and took a huge mouthful of the drink to cover his mistake.

Whatever it was, it wasn’t bad. It wasn’t coffee but it seemed to have the same effect on his body as the first mouthful of morning coffee did; he could feel his entire body relax and just absorb the taste. He swallowed, feeling it run down his throat. It seemed to tingle, making his body feel lighter and refreshed.

“What is this anyway?” he asked, holding up the cup.

“Neverland juice!” Frank said. He grabbed the cup and took a mouthful himself before handing it back to Gerard. “Fruits, water, Neverberries and a handful of pixie dust for good measure.”

That explained the tingling, Gerard thought. He took another large gulp of it, feeling the waves of something else rush through him that tasted like... happiness?

“It’s not bad,” he admitted. “What else is there to drink around here?”

He was hoping for diet Coke or maybe just some simple orange juice if there wasn’t coffee.

“Uh... water. And the pirates have rum, but we never drink that. It’s disgusting!!” Frank pulled a face, sticking his tongue out.

Gerard made a mental note to never raid the pirate ship food supplies.


~*~*~


“Are we nearly there yet?!” Gerard asked for what felt like the hundredth time in fifteen minutes.

“Nearly!!” Frank replied in a sing-song voice, flying just ahead of Gerard.

“And I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me where we’re going?” Gerard asked, again for what wasn’t the first time.

“Not yet! Relax Gee, you’ll like this!”

“I doubt that,” Gerard muttered, then swore as he slipped on a rock and nearly sprained his ankle. Wherever they were going, it seemed to involve the most difficult route through the jungle. Frank merely skipped ahead, his feet only touching the ground whenever he felt like it, while Gerard struggled against unsteady surfaces and that thing called gravity.

“So what were you dreaming about last night?” Frank asked, falling in line next to Gerard and taking his arm to steady him.

“Huh?”

“Last night,” Frank repeated. “You looked kinda unhappy in your sleep.”

Self-disgust and shame flooded through Gerard as he remembered how easily he’d betrayed Frank and the Lost Boys in his dream.

“I... it was a nightmare,” he said, trying to keep it vague.

“Really? That’s no fun. What was it about?”

Gerard didn’t want to tell Frank it had involved him and the other Lost Boys dying horrible deaths so he stuck to the earlier parts of the dream. “Mostly just my family... My Mom and Dad and Mikey just... telling me I’m a failure and all that.”

He said it casually but when he looked at Frank, the boy’s face was twisted up in an expression of unmistakable grief.

“That’s horrible!! Why would anyone tell you that?! You’re not a failure, Gee, and you know it!”

Gerard felt something twist in his stomach in a way that wasn’t entirely unpleasant. It was the first time anyone had said that to him so earnestly, like they truly believed it with their entire being. Sure, when he’d first got out of the hospital, his parents and brother had said the similar things but part of him had always suspected that was more to do with them pandering to his fragile state in the circumstances.

He was about to tell Frank a very heartfelt ‘thank you’ when Frank suddenly stopped.

“We’re here!” he said. “Gerard, this is Mermaid Lagoon!”

Gerard was glad Frank had said something; if he hadn’t, Gerard probably would have carried on walking right into it.

“Oh,” said Gerard, staring at it, slightly dismayed. It wasn’t so much the Technicolor lagoon as it was in the Disney film as it was more a giant, dark lake that disappeared around the corner of a cliff. Even the sky seemed to have darkened slightly overhead, casting everything in gloom. Gerard peered into the water but it was completely pitch black.

“Why’s the water so dark?” he asked.

“It just is,” Frank said casually, flying ahead over the water. “Come on, Gee!! There’s some stepping stones!”

“No there aren’t –”

As if on cue, an uneven stepping stone suddenly rose up out the water, with black liquid running in rivulets down the sides and – and – oh fuck, the stone wasn’t actually that jagged. It only appeared that way because there was a skeleton hand tightly clutching to it.

Gerard stared at the stone.

“No way. Fuck this. I am done, I am SO done.”

Frank laughed. “Come on Gee, where’s your sense of adventure?”

“Where’s your sense of mortality!?” Gerard shrieked, trying not to freak the fuck out. “Frank, that is someone’s fucking hand on that rock! What happened to them?!”

“I dunno... They probably fell in the water or something. Anyway, come on!”

And with another laugh, Frank flew off around the edge of the cliff.

Alone, the silence seemed all the more terrifying and the stillness all the more ominous.

“Frank!” Gerard hissed. “Frank!!”

He looked back behind him, wondering if he could just head back to the hideout when he suddenly heard women giggling from behind the same cliff Frank had just gone behind.

Mermaids. He could actually see real-life mermaids.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and jumped onto the rock.

He landed.

Cautiously, he opened one eye.

The stepping stone was still under his feet, surprisingly sturdy, and barely a few feet away, a second one was rising up out the water (though thankfully, this one didn’t have an extra cling-on).

“OK, I get it,” Gerard muttered. “Alright, let’s do this.”

Carefully - so fucking carefully – Gerard made his way across the lagoon. The stepping stones were smooth under his bare feet so there was no danger of accidentally stepping on a sharp edge and they seemed to have a set path, leading him to the side of the cliff. No more stones appeared when he reached it but then he saw there was a narrow ledge carved into the cliff face. Someone had thoughtfully included a rope to hold onto as well.

Gerard wrinkled his nose in disgust. Whoever had put the rope there had clearly done so many, many years ago. The rope was black and rotted and it smelt disgusting even from where he was. There seemed to be some natural hand-holds in the side of the rock though, so Gerard made his way across the ledge using those to hold himself up instead.

The water lapped at the edges of the ledge, splashing his feet and soaking the bottoms of his jeans, and perhaps he was just getting carried away with the whole creepy-dark-ominous-Dead-Man lake thing, but he could have sworn that where the water splashed his toes, it was so cold that it sent chills through his entire body.

“Fucking mermaids better be worth it,” he grumbled through gritted teeth as he rounded the corner and –

Oh.

Mermaids.

Actual mermaids.

For a second, Gerard could only stare at them, completely entranced. They were beautiful. There were five of them, surrounding the giant rock that Frank was sitting on top of, staring at him in complete devotion as he held them captive by saying... something. Gerard was too enchanted by their long hair, the vivid bright colours that matched their tails, their skin that seemed to glow with a luminescent pale green –

And then he saw their faces.

Horror flooded his gut. They didn’t have mouths. They had wide gashes instead, ugly jagged flaps that tore literally from ear to ear revealing rows of tiny, sharp teeth.

“Tell us about Captain Hook,” one of the mermaids was saying, shaking her long green hair off her face. Her voice was more fitting with the beautiful idea that had first bewitched Gerard, so musical and gentle... but the fact that it came from that mouth broke the spell completely.

“I’ll tell you about how I last tricked him and saved the day!” Frank said, jumping to his feet. “So there I was, flying around the pirate cove –”

So far, they hadn’t seen Gerard. If he could just back away, go back the way he came, silently, he could escape...

And then his toe caught on the sharp edge of a loose stone.

“Fuck!” he yelped, only just managing to stay clinging to the cliff. And then – “Oh, fuck.”

The mermaids were looking directly at him, their mouths twisted up in the most terrifying smiles Gerard had seen since his nightmares as a child. They weren’t looking at him in the same adoring manner as they were Frank. No, this was more along the lines of a pack of hungry wolves finding a defenceless lamb alone.

“Who’s this?” the pink-haired mermaid asked in a low voice.

“That’s Gerard,” Frank said cheerfully, completely oblivious. “He’s my newest Lost Boy!”

“You’re a bit... big to be a Lost Boy,” the red-head said, addressing Gerard.

“Uh yeah,” Gerard said, pulling at his collar nervously. “I’m tall for my age.”

The mermaids all ducked under the water and then in a blink, they all emerged, completely surrounding the ledge Gerard was standing on.

“You’re no boy,” said the green-haired one, batting her eyelashes at Gerard. “You’re a man.”

She reached up and stroked Gerard’s bare foot with a wet hand. It took everything in Gerard’s will power not to jump back and scream like a little girl – her hand felt exactly the same as a dead fish. Cold, clammy and slimy.

“It’s been a while since we’ve had a man around here,” she continued in a low purr. “The pirates never come near here.”

“Yeah, I wonder why,” Gerard said. He tried to edge back from her hand, only for three other pairs to suddenly grab the backs of his legs, snapping their teeth at him menacingly. “Frank!!”

Frank was still sitting on the same rock but now with an annoyed expression on his face. “Hey girls, leave him alone!”

“Oh we will,” said the red-haired one, pushing her hair back to uncover her breasts to Gerard. Gerard’s eyes went wide in horror as he suddenly realised what was going on.

“Frank!” Gerard’s voice came out in a high-pitched squeak. “Mermaids! Help me!”

There were hands pulling on the edges of his trousers, trying to – Oh God, this was actually happening, wasn’t it?

“Do you mind?!” Gerard shrieked, yanking on the waistband to hold them up.

“Come on Gerard, why are you so resistant?” the pink-haired one said, giving his jeans a firm tug.

“Look, no offense, but I’m really not –” Gerard began to say, when one of the mermaids suddenly jumped up behind him, wrapped her arms around his chest and pulled him backwards into the water with a loud splash.

For what felt like an eternity, there was just Gerard, floating down in the water. He opened his eyes, staring through the blue. It was an odd second of peace –

- and then the mermaids suddenly reappeared. Hands were suddenly grabbing his clothes, his skin, his hair, touching him in various places, trying to pull him down. He kicked, struggled, letting bubbles of precious air escape through his lips.

“Frank!!” he screamed as his head broke the surface. “Help me!!”

A hand shot up from the water and pulled him back under.

There were more of them, or at least, it felt like it. His hands lashed out, his feet were kicking, uselessly impeded and slow by the water surrounding him. He felt his feet connect with various cold, slimy bodies but it didn’t seem to do much. He gave a scream of surprise and pain that only came out in a massive bubble of air, his last gasp of air. His lungs were burning and suddenly, he was so tired.

I’m drowning he realised.

The thought should have scared him. Instead, it calmed him.

He closed his eyes and accepted it. Death was finally coming for him, it was just a little bit later than he’d expected. The various hands that were clawing at him didn’t even feel like anything anymore, just various dull knocks against his body. There was no noises, no screams, only the muffled sound of his own heartbeat slowing.

Well, there were worse ways to go than death by horny mermaids, he supposed. Overdosing in a dirty alley, for one. He just hoped they didn’t write that on his tombstone.

Dimly, he registered someone pulling at his hair. Gerard’s entire body yanked up; there was a loud crash in his ears and then he was aware of being dropped painfully onto hard, dry ground. He rolled onto his side, gasping, coughing and choking as one thought managed to lodge in his brain – he was on ground. Beautiful, solid, dry ground.

“What the hell was that?!” Frank asked, his feet landing in front of Gerard’s point of view. Weakly, Gerard looked up. Frank was standing with his hands on his hips, looking down at Gerard with a furious expression on his face.

“Mermaids,” Gerard rasped. He didn’t have the energy to wipe the drops of water off his face, let alone push himself up. “They’re – in mythology – they were known for luring sailors to the deaths.”

“And that involved trying to tear your clothes off?!” Frank asked incredulously.

Gerard summoned enough energy to look down. His t-shirt had been torn right down the middle and his jeans were unbuckled and halfway down his thighs.

“Don’t –” Gerard said, shimmying his jeans back up and ignoring how the wet denim stuck to his skin in the most unpleasant way. “Don’t ask.”

“Why did they do that you?” Frank pressed, lightly hopping down so he was straddling over Gerard’s chest. Gerard was too tired to even be weirded out this. “Come on Gee, why?”

“Because it’s what they do!” Gerard said exasperatedly. “Mermaids have... well, they’ve always been a bit dangerous. And... well... they’re kinda... sexual predators.”

“Not to me,” Frank sniffed. “They adore me!”

“Because you’re still a kid.”

“So are you!”

Right. That whole ‘I’m a pre-teen’ lie.

“I’m... a bit older than you,” he said. “I guess it was just old enough for them.”


~*~*~


Frank was still sulking by the time they got back to Hangman’s Tree. To try appease him slightly, Gerard suggested they and the Lost Boys went on an Indian hunt, praying that it was more like a game of tag than a repeat of American history.

It seemed to work; Frank cheered up immediately, even more so when Gerard followed the wrong set of tracks into a cave and ended up being chased by a very angry bear. By the time lunch time rolled around, Gerard was hungry, sore and had some rather interesting injuries from where he’d had to shimmy up a tree as an escape route.

“I’ve never seen anyone move so fast!” Lyn-Z said later as they were heading back to the hideout.

“I’m just amazed you got your fat ass up that tree!” Steve said. Gerard resisted the urge to hit him.

“I think you’re getting the hang of the whole flying thing,” Frank said encouragingly. “You couldn’t have climbed up the tree that quickly without some assistance! You just needed to find some motivation!”

Privately, Gerard disagreed. If the “motivation” for flying would always have to involve something huge, terrifying and pissed-off-as-fuck chasing you, then he’d rather keep his feet on the ground, thank you very much.

“So, what’s the next adventure?” Jimmy asked from the front of the group.

“Mermaids?” Kitty suggested.

“No!” Gerard and Frank said in unison.

Ray suggested a treasure hunt which everyone agreed to, so they all paired off into teams while Frank flew off to hide the treasure somewhere in Neverland. Lyn-Z went with Kitty and Steve with Jimmy, which left Ray and Gerard to pair up. Gerard was a little relieved at this - while Kitty or Lyn-Z would have been good partners, Gerard didn’t really know Jimmy that well to want to be on his team and as for Steve.... just no.

“I’m gonna hide in a really good place this time!” he called over his shoulder as he flew off. “You’ll never find it!!”

“He always says that,” Ray said, sucking his fingers thoughtfully. “But we always do. So, where do you guys want to look?”

“Shotgun the Lagoon!!” Jimmy said.

“Be careful of the mermaids,” Gerard warned. Although he doubted that any of the Lost Boys would be in danger around them, it was best to be safe than sorry. Instead of thanking him though, Steve and Jimmy just gave him very odd looks before running off in what Gerard assumed was the direction of the Lagoon.

“Ahh, so that’s why you’re wearing a pirate shirt,” Kitty said as Lyn-Z suddenly burst into giggles. As Gerard’s shirt had been torn beyond repair, Frank had given him an off-white one when they got back from their encounter with the mermaids, having had it tucked away as a trophy from a fight he couldn’t remember.

Personally, Gerard kinda liked the shirt. With his skinny-fit jeans, bare feet and the baggy sleeves of the shirt, he felt like he could be kinda rocking the Prince Eric look. (Neverland didn’t have any mirrors so he couldn’t check and he didn’t really want to know how wrong he was anyway.)

“Yeah, the mermaids got a bit... enthusiastic,” he said, scratching the back of his head uncomfortably. This statement made Lyn-Z giggle even harder, stuffing her hands in her mouth to try and hide it. “What?! What’s so funny?!”

“Nothing, nothing,” she said, shaking her head. Kitty was equally useless, miming sewing up her lip and also refusing to say anything when he tried her.

“Anyway, we’re going to look in the hideout, so catch you later!” she said, giving Gerard and Ray a wave goodbye and then both her and Lyn-Z also ran off.

Gerard turned to his tiny partner.

“Right, so where should we try?” he asked.

“I dunno,” Ray shrugged. “We could try... ooh, how about the Pirate cove? It’s on the opposite side of the island, so the others probably won’t try there!”

It was the best (and only) suggestion they had, so Gerard went along with it.

“Great!” he said. “Lead the way!!”

For a few minutes, they walked through the jungle in companionable silence with their footsteps as the only sounds. The mossy ground under their bare feet was surprisingly soft and only slightly damp; it felt more like walking on thick velvet than actual ground.

“Why don’t you and the other Lost Boys wear shoes?” Gerard asked.

Ray shrugged. “Never needed them, I guess. Neverland’s what you need it to be, and we’ve always needed it to be a place where we don’t need shoes.”

Gerard ducked just in time under a tree branch that nearly smacked him in the face. “What about when you’re climbing rocks and trees though?” he asked. “Don’t your feet get hurt then?”

Ray shook his head. “Nope,” he said with a grin. “They just don’t. They do where you’re from, don’t they?”

“Yeah, they do,” Gerard said. He’d never have dreamed of running around barefoot in his and Bert’s old apartment. There was just too much crap and mess (and even the odd discarded needle) scattered about, plus it was always far too cold in there.

“See, that’s why it’s better here,” Ray said triumphantly. “We can run around barefoot and play all day!!”

“But you do get hurt,” Gerard said. He’s seen that Lyn-Z’s knees were pretty scraped up and Steve had already had a black eye forming from where Jimmy had punched him earlier during the Indian Hunt.

“Yeah, but that’s just... you know. Playtime’s boring if you worry too much about getting hurt! Oooh, we’re almost there!”

The jungle had thinned out as they were walking and Gerard could see the bright blue sky ahead peeking through the trees.

“So,” he said, trying to sound casual and not at all interested at all, “What were Lyn-Z and Kitty laughing at earlier?”

“Oh... that.” Ray’s face fell. “Nothing.”

“You’re a terrible liar, kid,” Gerard said.

“No I’m not!” Ray said. “And anyway, they’d kill me if I told you.”

“I’m just curious,” Gerard said. “Come on Ray, I won’t tell!”

Ray stopped and looked Gerard up and down, as if debating about whether or not he could trust him.

“Secret for a secret,” he eventually said.

“Huh?”

“Secret for a secret,” Ray repeated. “I’ll tell you a secret if you tell me one. Fair deal?”

“Sure, deal,” Gerard said.

“Shake on it!” Ray demanded, and then spat on his hand and held it out.

“Oh that’s just gross,” Gerard said.

Ray glared at him. “Shake or no deal.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Gerard muttered, rolling his eyes. He spat on his own palm and then slapped it against Ray’s, shaking firmly as their saliva squelched between them.

“Great!” Ray said. He was beaming like a ray of sunshine, and for a second, Gerard realised that he might have just been had by this small child. “OK, I’ll tell you.”

He cast a nervous glance around to make sure they were alone and then leaned in and gestured for Gerard to do the same.

“OK so... so the reason why Kitty and Lyn-Z were laughing is because... it was Steve’s idea for you and Frank to go to Mermaid Lagoon this morning. While you were still asleep this morning, Frank was trying to work out what you could do to try and fix your imagination and Steve suggested the mermaids.”

Gerard’s dislike of Steve went up by about fifty percent but he still couldn’t see why Kitty and Lyn-Z had found this so funny.

“So?” he asked.

“So...” Ray said slowly, looking Gerard up and down again doubtfully. “Well, we all know what happens to the pirates when they get too close to the mermaids and Steve knows that you’re... well. It’s kinda obvious you’re not a kid.”

Oh.

Panic flooded Gerard.

“Does Frank know?”

“No, that’s why it’s so...” Ray trailed off, looking a bit confused. “Well. He says you’re a kid but...well... you’re not. But you don’t really act like a grown up.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that one before,” Gerard muttered darkly.

“No, I mean it!” Ray said earnestly. “Like, you don’t tell us what to do, you actually play with us and you really don’t like the pirates so... yeah.” He shrugged. “I like you. I don’t mind, it’s not your fault you’re old.”

“Hey!” Gerard squeaked indignantly. “I’m not that old!”

Ray giggled. “It’s OK. Kitty and Lyn-Z like you too, and Jimmy thinks you’re OK so –”

“You won’t say anything to Frank?” Gerard asked hopefully.

“Nope,” Ray said. “There’s no point, you know? You’re already here now.”

For once, Gerard was amazed by the logic of children. It was so simple and there was none of the moral dilemmas of whether it was right or wrong to continue with a lie.

“What about Steve?” Gerard asked, suddenly worried. There was no right or wrong but he suddenly had a feeling that Steve wouldn’t be above telling Frank just to spite Gerard.

Ray shrugged. “Don’t make him angry and he won’t. Besides, him and Tinkerbell think it’s more fun to watch you panic.”

Gerard supposed he should have been relieved or slightly insulted by this. Instead, he managed to say a little “oh” and that was that.

“So what’s your secret?” Ray asked.

“What?”

“Your secret!” he said, giving Gerard an expectant look. “Remember, you have to tell me one of yours now!”

“What, doesn’t my age count as one?”

Ray snorted and rolled his eyes. “It’s not a secret if people already know it!”

That was a very fair point and well made, Gerard thought. He cast his mind around for a secret he could give Ray. It wasn’t that he didn’t have any – Gerard figured he probably had more in his head than anyone else in Neverland – but as for one that he could tell a small child? Several secrets flashed through his head, each one more inappropriate than the last. The age he lost his virginity? The first time he smoked up? The fact that he had a kink for exhibitionism? The time he dressed in drag around college and then went home and then jerked off to his reflection in the mirror??

“I’m afraid of needles,” he said eventually.

Ray stared at him.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really,” Gerard nodded. “Every time I had to have an injection, I’d either pass out or nearly pass out and that even before they’d got the fucking thing out the packet!”

Ray giggled.

“Don’t tell anyone, OK?” Gerard said. “Especially Frank or Steve.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” Ray said solemnly.

“Stick a needle in my eye,” Gerard finished with a wince.


~*~*~


“Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.”
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan


The treasure wasn’t in the Pirate’s Cove.

“Well, that killed some time,” Ray said brightly. “I never win the treasure hunts anyway.”

Gerard looked at the cliffs around them. There were skull and crossbones carved in random points and scattered pirate swords in the sand that the sea behind them hadn’t quite managed to steal when the tide came in. He picked one up and idly tapped the nearest rock with it.

“Where’s Frank during all this anyway?” he asked. He couldn’t imagine Frank sitting still and just waiting for one of them to find him.

“He’s probably off having an adventure,” Ray shrugged. He was crouched down in the sand, hugging his knees to his chest with one arm and drawing a smiley face in the damp sand with his finger. “He does that. He goes out alone and when he comes back, you’re never absolutely certain whether he’s had an adventure or not. Sometimes, he forgets about it and doesn’t say anything and then you go outside and find the body.”

“Body?” Gerard asked. “Like an animal, right?”

Ray looked up from his sand picture and gave Gerard a pitying smile. “Yeah. Animal. Right.”

Gerard turned back to the rocks. Fuck, this shit was messed up. But then again, as he was rapidly discovering, there was certainly a much darker side to Neverland – and Frank – that he hadn’t expected. He tightened his grip on the sword and tested out the weight experimentally. It was an old-fashioned pirate one with a long, thin blade that comfortably reached from his mid-thighs to the floor, with a simple black hilt that fitted Gerard’s hand nicely.

“Avast, Captain Hook,” he said, swiping at the air at an imaginary foe. “I am here to challenge you for the child Pete Wentz!”

Ray laughed and picked up one of the other swords. “Ahh, Gerard, my long lost enemy!” he said, approaching Gerard with a rusty blade. “I accept your challenge! En guard!”

“How do we duel, fair Captain?” Gerard asked. “Are there rules to our standoff?”

“Good form!” Ray said, and then giggled. “We fight to the death!”

“But of course!” Gerard said with mock surprise. “Any others? Shall I fight with one hand behind my back to even things up?” He clenched his left hand into a fist and held it behind his back to show willing.

Ray nodded. “I wouldn’t do that in an actual fight with Captain Hook.” He tilted his head thoughtfully. “You know, Frank would never let that fight happen anyway. He’s got this rule – ‘If we ever meet Hook in open fight, you must leave him to me.’”

This did not surprise Gerard at all. “I think the rules of this battle is that I just have to fight Hook, not necessarily win.”

And then, the full implications of this hit him.

He sank down onto the damp sand as gloom and despair flooded through him.

“Ray, what am I going to do?” he asked. “I can’t fight Hook – he’s – he reminds me of someone.”

Ray sat down next to Gerard, sucking on his fingers thoughtfully. “Someone bad?”

Understatement of the century.

“A very bad man,” Gerard agreed.

“Did this bad man hurt you?” Ray asked.

Gerard stared out onto the horizon, at the calm blue and green where the sea met the sky. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yeah, he did.” He could feel the breeze from the sea gently blowing in his face and through his hair. “He broke my fucking heart.”

“Oh. OH!” Ray’s eyes widened comically as he suddenly got it.

“Yeah,” Gerard said. There was a pause and then –

“It’s not fair, I was trying to get away from him!!” Gerard wailed.

Ray laughed. “Well, why don’t you just stay here then? In Neverland, with us! You and Frank could be together!”

And with all the poise in the world, Gerard fell over from his sitting position in shock. He pushed himself back up, shaking the sand out his face.

“Ray, look, I appreciate the thought but –”

“But what?!” Ray asked, wide-eyed and innocent. “You and Frank could be our fathers! Or you could be our mother, I’m sure Frank wouldn’t mind too much! And then you wouldn’t be sad anymore or have to face the bad man again!”

“Look, Ray, that’s not how it works –”

“Why not? It’s just make-believe. Anyway, Frank likes you and you like Frank –”

“Not in that way!!” Gerard protested. “Frank’s only...”

Gerard trailed off. Just how old was Frank anyway? Various versions of Frank danced in front of his memory; the one from his childhood who’d been the same height as him then, the one who’d turned up at his window two days ago, the one that had happily carried him to Neverland, the one who’d saved him from the mermaids and when he’d pulled Gerard to his feet, he’d only been a few inches shorter... Not a single one of them seemed to be at a consistent height or age, or with the proportional strength to casually carry Gerard as if he were a rag doll.

“Well, he’s too young for me,” Gerard finished lamely. He pushed himself back up to his feet and started tapping at the rocks with his sword again.

“But you could stay here, you know?” Ray’s head and massive afro popped into view under Gerard’s arm. “You don’t have to go back to... wherever it is you’re from. You should stay here!”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll think on it,” Gerard said idly. Ray’s face fell but Gerard barely noticed, suddenly distracted. He’d noticed something rather odd about the part of the cliff they were standing in front of. There were gaps between the rocks that seemed to have some kind of darkness behind them that was too solid to be part of the cliff.

“What the fuck is that?” Gerard asked, poking his sword into one of the gaps. It slid straight through up to Gerard’s arm meeting no resistance on the other side. “Oh my God, Ray, I think there’s a secret cave behind here!”

Ray clapped his hands in excitement and squealed.

“Come on, let’s see if there’s a gap big enough for us to crawl through,” Gerard said, tucking the sword through his belt.

He ran his hands along the rough cliff edge. When they came across a sizeable gap, it was so well-hidden that Gerard felt if they hadn’t been looking for it, they might never have found it.

“Ready for our own adventure?” he asked Ray. Ray nodded eagerly and with a deep breath, Gerard pushed himself through into the cave.

It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust from the bright light outside to the gloom in the cave. His eyes could make out a various shapes surrounding them piled as high as the roof.

There was a small scrabbling noise behind him as Ray climbed through the entrance.

“What is this place?” Ray asked in a whisper. His voice echoed around them.

“I don’t know.” Gerard fumbled in his pockets for his lighter. It took a few clicks to get it going and then it suddenly ignited, revealing a candle on a dressing table next to them. He lit it and then held the candle aloft.

“Holy fuck,” Gerard breathed as Ray gasped.

The cave was filled from ceiling to floor with broken furniture and toys.

“What is all this?” Gerard asked, crouching down and picking up an old Raggedy Ann doll that lay discarded on the wet floor.

“We shouldn’t be in here,” Ray said, suddenly sounding worried. “Frank’s going to be so angry when he finds out about this...”

Gerard managed to tear his eyes away from the piles of toys.

“What do you mean?” he asked. Even in the flickering candle light, there was no mistaking how Ray’s eyes were darting from the toys to the entrance.

“We – should go,” he said, taking a jerky step back towards the entrance.

“Wait a second!” Gerard grabbed Ray’s arm. “What is this place?! Come on Ray, you know this.”

“I – I’m – we’re not supposed to talk about it.”

“About what? Ray, where did all these toys come from??”

“If I tell you, can we go?”

“Yeah sure, but come on, tell me first!” Gerard said.

“It’s... This is the Cave of Forgotten Children,” Ray said and he suddenly looked so wretchedly miserable that Gerard felt like a complete asshole for making him say it. “All the children who come and go to Neverland... all the previous Lost Boys... Neverland’s different for everyone and when they go, all they brought is left behind.”

Ray yanked his arm out of Gerard’s hand and for a second, Gerard thought he was going to make a break for the exit, but instead, the child stepped towards one of nearest piles and picked up a half-deflated football.

“We’re not supposed to remember them,” he said, turning the object over in his hands. “Frank takes their things and we’re... we forget them.”

Gerard stared at the toys around him. So many children, so many stories behind them all... He could see the remains of a tent sticking out the closest pile to him, surrounded by skipping ropes, balls, teddy bears, water guns, dolls, hula hoops... All abandoned.

“And when you go, we’ll forget you too,” Ray said coldly. He threw the ball away from him as far as he could into the cave and ran towards the exit, squeezing through the gap, but he didn’t move fast enough for the candlelight to not pick up the tears running down his cheeks.

For a few seconds, Gerard remained motionless in the middle of the cave, clutching the Raggedy Ann doll tightly to his chest.

“What am I supposed to do?” he asked the doll. Raggedy Ann simply stared back at him with her faded smile. Gerard groaned. “Fat lot of good you are.”

He blew out the candle and followed after Ray.


~*~*~


It turned out Jimmy and Steve had found the treasure – at least, that’s what Gerard assumed from the golden tiara’s and sparkly necklaces they were wearing when he got back to the hideout. As he approached the Hangman’s Tree, he could hear the Lost Boys all cheerfully singing a rather off-key version of “Follow the Leader.”

“Looking manly, Steve,” Gerard said with a nod. “Anyone seen Frank yet?”

Lyn-Z, who was leading, answered, “He’s off having –”

“An adventure,” Gerard finished. “Any idea when he’ll be back?”

“Nope,” she said, shaking her head. “Wanna play?”

Gerard had to decline. He wasn’t in a bad mood, so to speak, he just wanted to chill out for a bit. He settled himself at the base of the tree in a nice spot of shadow and watched as the Lost Boys continued their game. They stayed close to the tree and there didn’t seem to be any kind of rules to the game other than to follow whoever was at the front of the line... except that seemed to change randomly. Apparently, whenever one of them felt like it, someone would shout out “turn around!!” or “head for the tree!” or “leap frog!” and then the line would reform and whoever happened to be at the front of that would lead.

They didn’t stick to merely playing on the ground either. Every now and then, whoever was leading would take off into the air and the rest of the Lost Boys would follow. Gerard watched them fly, utterly fascinated. They did it without even thinking, flying as naturally as walking. He was reminded of birds, little baby chicks, following in a line, except there was a darker edge to it all because he knew how vindictive they could be. He could suddenly picture the image; dark shapes with malicious grins, flying against a dark sky, following one large bird-like creature with a devastatingly cocky smile... the feathers would be fragile, almost like skeleton leaves...

“Time out!” Lyn-Z called.

“Denied!” Jimmy replied.

“Tough!” Lyn-Z replied, sticking her tongue out at him. She broke away from the line in midair and flew towards Gerard.

“What you thinking?” she asked, floating down gracefully next to him.

“I – is there any paper anywhere?” Gerard asked. He needed to draw this image, he needed to get the ideas out his head onto paper. “And pens?”

“Sure!” Lyn-Z said with a grin. “I’ve got my art supplies!”

He wasn’t expecting much, he thought as Lyn-Z lead him down into the hideout and to her bunk, and whatever he did wouldn’t be very good as he hadn’t drawn in years but... but the itch in his fingers was too great to ignore. He needed to act on it, he needed to draw, to get this down on paper before he forgot it.

“Here!” Lyn-Z said, pulling out a large trunk from under her bed. She threw back the lid with the air of a magician revealing his final ‘ta-daa!’ “Help yourself!”

“Holy shit!” Gerard said. “What do you use all this paper for?!”

The inside of the trunk was an explosion of colour of paper, card, pens, brushes, paints, glitter...

“This is my art box,” Lyn-Z said with a small, proud smile. She gestured to her bed with a nod of her head. “I like to make things.”

It was then that Gerard noticed the paper figures that decorated the wall above her bunk. There were so many of them; some marching across the walls, others standing still; some with their arms above their heads, some weeping and wailing,

“Why are they all sad?” Gerard asked.

“I don’t know,” Lyn-Z said with a shrug. “I just make them that way.”

Gerard crouched down to get a closer look. There were strings coming out the chest of one of the figures with intricately cut red butterflies attached.

“These are really good,” he said. “Like, seriously.”

“Thanks,” Lyn-Z said and for just a split second, she looked like every young, innocent child who’d just been praised for their work; proud but also slightly humbled. “They’re just a bit of fun –”

“No, seriously, you’ve got talent! Look at this,” Gerard said, gesturing to one of the smaller figures that was clearly Frank, flying above them all. “Look at the detail on his leaves! Like, your style - it’s really child-like but elegant at the same time.”

“Thanks Gee,” Lyn-Z said and Gerard suddenly realised she was blushing. “Anyway, there might be something in there you want. Just shove it back under my bed when you’re done, OK?”

And without another word, she turned around and flew back up the slide. Gerard smiled to himself and turned back to the trunk.

“OK, what have we got here,” he muttered, shifting aside some of the piles of paper and careful not to accidentally stab himself on anything sharp. He’d happily settle for one of the larger scraps of paper, he just wanted to doodle really.

He lifted a box of paints and gave a triumphant cry. There was a small, black sketchbook resting at the bottom of the trunk with some of his favourite types of fineliner black pens on top of it. A quick flip through revealed it was completely empty and his fingers twitched, the urge to draw, to write, to do something got stronger. The temptation was too much, with those lovely blank white pages calling him with the lure of a blank canvas, almost as if they’d been there waiting for him exclusively.


~*~*~


By the time Frank returned to the Hangman’s Tree, he found the Lost Boys playing a very intense game of Following The Leader. He joined in for a few goes, naturally taking the role of the leader when he suddenly realised something was off.

“What happened to the Hangman’s Tree?!” he asked, stopping the train in midair and staring at it. “It looks... different. Creepier. And when did it have pumpkins around the base?”

“I like them,” Lyn-Z said airily, floating in a lazy loop. “We could totally carve them up and pretend it’s Halloween!”

“Well, yeah,” Frank agreed, still slightly confused. “Where’s Gerard?!”

“Shhh!!” Ray said, putting his finger to his lips as Kitty and Lyn-Z both grinned.

“What?” Frank asked, completely lost.

“Shh!!” Ray said again, but this time, he pointed to the base of the Hangman’s Tree. “He’s around the other side... we figured it was best not to disturb him.”

“What?! That’s stupid!! What’s he doing?!” Frank asked. He made to fly around the tree when Lyn-Z grabbed his arm.

“Be quiet, ok?” she said and even Steve was nodding.

Frank stared at his Lost Boys. What the hell was going on?

“OK, I’m leader!!” Steve yelled, flying to the front and before Frank could say anything else, the Lost Boys had disappeared off into the jungle with the sounds of their song trailing behind them.

Frank turned back to the tree, a curious look on his face. What was Gerard doing?

Quietly, with all his natural skill and agility, he landed lightly on the side of the tree and crawled around the trunk.

He let out a quiet gasp of surprise.

Gerard was sitting at the base, curled up between two of the larger roots. His knees drawn up and slanted to the side and he was bent over a sketchbook, his long hair falling over his face. His drawing hand was moving furiously across the page, colouring something in.

Frank could immediately see why the Lost Boys hadn’t wanted to disturb him. Gerard was completely oblivious to the strange creatures that were surrounding him, sitting around him a few feet away, watching him patiently. They were all different shapes and sizes, some grotesquely fat with short stumps for arms, some tall and painfully thin with their eyes bulging out their heads. Some had long, spindly fingers with one too many joints. One of them had wings, torn and tattered and shedding black leaves. Another looked like a woman in a wedding dress, covered in vivid splashes of red against the grey material. There was one closest to Frank that was starting to materialise as Gerard added in the finer details in the sketchbook; wild, crazy eyes and nothing but giant jagged teeth that reached down to its jaw, with its skeleton dangerously protruding through its leathery skin.

Frank couldn’t hold back his triumphant crow. Gerard was doing it! He was using his imagination!

Gerard jumped as if someone had thrown a bucket of water over him and the spell was broken. He automatically looked up at Frank and didn’t notice his creations slink away into the jungle, disappearing amongst the shadows.

“Hey!” Gerard said, his face splitting into a huge grin. He’d got ink smudged on his cheek. “How long you been there for?”


Part Four